I've finally freed myself enough to get the message out. Please, if this message finds you, send help. Walrus and myself have been held captive and i've lost track of the days. Day in and day out i've been made to do nothing but making bird houses, constantly plan and redesign the houseboats interior, and watch every wrestling episode ever aired. I believe i'm to be farmed for my vrill by strange and attractive lady associates of Roscoe's. I think they're pushing all of this tool and handyman experience so they can use our DNA to create an Exomensch. It could lead to the Appalachian territory becoming the next Texas. Then who know's what would be next? The country? The continent? The World? Handyman vrill farms on Mars? I'm not sure. I only hope the Kahn of Kentucky, might be stopped.